My brother has a 3 month old baby and I volunteered to help watch him for a few days.
This is a picture after I got both shoulders puked on by baby Atlas.
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He’s a cute kid and I figured I could leave the kid in his crib while I did my work and activities throughout the day.
Shit…I was completely wrong.
I used to think (in my ignorance) that people with kids were too lazy to start their own business.
I used to say to them, “Just make more time.” or “You have to make it a priority!”
I apologize.
Fortunately, we always can learn from our mistakes.
Here are 9 things I learned about business from watching a baby for 4 days:
1. Time limitations increase productivity.
Baby Atlas did not care about my phone calls or my schedule. The 2 times a day he took naps were the only chances I got to work on my todos for the week. With that limited window, I made sure to list out my exact priorities for the day and reduced all distractions during that time. No Skype (sorry I can’t do a call or nope that article isn’t all that important). Basically, children are the ultimate lifehack. (Warning: I don’t encourage having a child just to increase your productivity 🙂
2. Do more of what works.
Most days I was feeding Atlas just 2 ounces of baby formula. Then I realized after I fed him 4 ounces of food that he would fall asleep sooner so I could work. Then for all future feedings I did my best to give him more food so he would fall asleep. The key thing for your business is identify what things are working well and find ways to do more of that.
3. Most times you’re uncomfortable there’s a simple problem to solve it.
Poop, food, burp, move. Those are the 4 key things. The only way a child can communicate a problem is to scream or cry–they can’t spell it out for you. In your business you may be hearing a problem you are ignoring. When looking at the fundamentals that can satisfy the child, it was frankly pretty simple. Diaper clean, check (it’s overrated how hard it is to change them), fed, check, burped check or move the child around. All done. Go back to the basics when you are trying to solve
problems. Keep it simple. .
4. Reduce your judgments of other people.
I never realized how tiring it is to take care of a baby in the morning, go to work, come home, clean, take care of the kid and then try to find time to start your own business. A few months ago, I saw a mother when I was getting my pedicure (only judge me a little bit) who was yelling at her 3 kids. I was thinking to myself, what a terrible mother. Now I know a little bit more about what she was going through. When you are interviewing someone, talking with a customer or dealing with a
co-worker, reduce your natural tendency to pass judgment. You don’t know what it’s like for them.
5. Enable learning triggers.
I didn’t have as much time for the gym so I chose to walk the baby in the morning. It was too hard to do my daily reading so I started to listen to podcasts instead. If you are driving, can you listen to an audio book instead of zoning out. Or if the kid is sleeping in your arms then put on a YouTube video of Jay Abrahams talking about marketing.
6. Ignore non-critical activities and pay someone to handle them.
When the baby was crying for food, I completely ignored washing the dishes. And I ignored the yard, the laundry, and everything else. The highest priority was making baby Atlas happy again. You start recognizing the highest value activities. For your business, figure out which activities are really generating you more money and which ones can you pay someone else to handle.
7. Prioritize yourself.
You know how airlines always tell you to put on your oxygen mask before you put it on your child? That’s true for life. If you don’t take the time to take care of yourself, you won’t be at your best to take care of your child. My brother gets up at 5am so he can make time to meditate and exercise. He knows that gives him more energy and he feels better all day which translates to how he treats his child.
8. Adapt to your limitations.
I typed one-handed when I was feeding the kid. You are going to be constrained in your business, everyone is limited in some way. Figure out how you can work with that situation and still get work done, even if it’s at 50%. Maybe I could have use dictation software or done more phone calls during feeding.
9. Take baby selfies.
Take a lot of these. People love them. That’s all. 🙂 Like a successful business, people only see the good times—not the hardwork that goes into them.
* * *
In the words of the great Ali G to all the parents starting or running their own businesses, “Respect!”
If you’re a parent and you run a business of any size, please leave a comment and share the lessons you’ve learned about business from raising your kids.
Love,
Noah
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116 responses to “9 Business Lessons I Learned Watching a Baby for 4 Days”
OMG! Your brother is a genius person. Thanks a lot for sharing such an informative page about “9 Business Lessons I Learned Watching a Baby for 4 Days”. I have read your valuable page and gotten much information. I have learned a lot from you that I did not know before. I confused for choosing the Baby Care information what would be the best for everything but now my confusion has cleared by your review. I want to add some information about Baby care guide.
Thanks again Noah and Keep it up………..
Wireless earpiece. I spend a lot of time breastfeeding and my son is at the age where anything dangling from my head will get ripped off. My ear hides the peice so I can listen to audio books while he feeds. I too have a new appreciation for working mom’s. As a buisness owner, I’ve created a very flexible work/home environment. The key take away, and you mentioned it too, is time. I pay a lot of different people to do things that don’t allow me to spend more time and focus on my son, and don’t allow me to grow as an entrepreneur and mom. Love this post Noah!
dude, you can make a post about anything! My biggest take away from this post came in two parts, repeat the things that work or (yield the most) and second, when in doubt go back to the basics; poop, feed, move burp
I registered a business about 4 years ago. I used it more for freelancing until now. I’m trying to actually make something out of it to actually make it my primary income. After not qualifying for the FMLA act with my last company and let go when because of it (My last day was the day I went into labor and could not longer go into work) I decided to make my business work to make income for our family. Within a month of giving birth via an emergency C-section I took a translating job. I worked over 20 hours and just got a $90 profit, it was a bust! I’m learning, this is harder than I thought, a newborn, a household to run and getting my business going. Sometimes I just feel like a freelancer and not an entrepreneur. Maybe I need better guidance….
Awesome post! Thank you very much for the insight and advice, all nicely laced with humor. Baby Atlas is adorable, more selfies please 🙂
Great post, I got turned onto your blog after watching a clip of you and Ramit talking about goal setting.
My wife and I have a 3 year old, work full time, I go to school at night, AND we have a wedding photography business we do on the weekends. I almost need to schedule my bathroom breaks. The lesson I’m learning from all of this is that I need to prioritize, prioritize, prioritize. When my daughter takes a nap (which is rare now that she’s 3) I immediate bust out my laptop and get more of my schoolwork done, or edit a few more wedding photographs. Then, when she’s finally asleep at night I am able to schedule a couple of hours of late-night work in there as well. Since going to school, however, my wife and I agreed that certain days of the week I’m locked away in the basement doing my work, then when the timer is up, I take care of our daugther and my wife gets her wedding photographs edited. It’s a crazy hectic schedule, but we’re working towards our main goal of growing our part-time business into a full-time gig for my wife (I say full-time, but honestly its just a couple weekends per month), while I take my new-found lessons from school and work towards my own full-time business (tech company, I’m learning full-stack right now).
This blog post has helped me realize that I need to laser-focus my goal even more and cut out even more of the stuff that is just getting in the way. For example, we’re considering hiring someone to edit our wedding photographs for us so that we can focus on growing the business.
Cheers,
Joey
This makes me feel better and also gives me a roadmap. I am trying to get something of my own off the ground (Launching soon!) but my 5 month old son has this thing against laptops.
I’m extremely happy I built my online business a couple years ago before becoming a dad. Babies are demanding. There’s also that new parent learning curve. My 3 month old has changed how I look at just about everything in this short amount of time. I will say that with me running an online business it was very nice to basically take off 3 months while she was on maternity leave to figure out this baby taking care of biz together.
My young sons like to participate in what I am doing or at least copy what I am doing. Making time and room to help them feel involved is good for me and good for them.
Atlas is so cute. Dude, great article. I don’t have kids (yet) as I’ve always been apprehensive of the shitty return policy. This article helps me realise how it could be with a kid around (and also some good business lessons too).
Nice read!
My survival strategy was a mix of your #1 and #6 — have things you do while the kid is awake, and things you do while the kid is asleep. Don’t let them cross hemispheres — e.g. I can (within reason) reply to emails, clean the spills, etc. while he’s awake; I can really only do my copywriting and client calls when he’s asleep. I don’t try to do real work when he’s up, and I don’t waste time on dishes when he’s asleep. And, wonder of wonders, there are some tasks that don’t actually have to get done, ever! (Laundry basket full of clean pajamas, I’m looking at you!)
Agree with all the points. Those are the things you don’t realize until you really try it – with own kids or at least for a few days as you did, Noah.
Experiencing it every day :). Sometimes I envy young startup-er, how easy they have it. But then, I believe kids give me greater motivation to move further. Cause I develop my business not only to do my passion and earn money for life, but to ensure future for them.
And that pushes me to think really long-term.
Noah, welcome to my world, dude 🙂
I started my first business when my firstborn was two years old…now she’s 14 and starting high school!
Since then, I’ve had two more children, have started three more businesses, and sold two of them. The businesses, not the kids. LOL.
I must admit, I take great pleasure in watching people discover the joys of having a business AND a child. 😉 It’s not for the faint of heart. Respect!
Heather
Best thing about you, Noah is – you can share great “Business Tips” from anything and everything you do!
I am going to write a blog post, “How I met Noah Kagan?” sometime soon! 🙂
We had some fun in India. Thanks for the nice compliment 🙂
Well, the fun parts to me are how quickly they learn. Both know what it means to have a successful day which they both let me know, 7 and 5 year olds, they had successful first days of school. lol
This really made me laugh – “I realized after I fed him 4 ounces of food that he would fall asleep sooner”
Now try to start a biz while working 60ish hr/wk and two kids! ;P
Love reading your stuff Noah, always insightful and actionable. These are the tips that entrepreneur fathers need, tips that help them be engaged and intentional in the role as both fathers and business owners.
Too many fathers give into the pull toward their work and away from their kids. Thanks for the positive word toward encouraging young fathers. Peace. Love. Tacos. Spit-up.
I am a mother of four beautiful children. I felt so blessed by having them…I know it was not an easy task..but still I’m happy that I had managed my time in work,home,taking care of my little ones, doing household chores,laundry, cooking foods, doing another income generating sideline small business..its kinda tiring but upon seeing those kids of mine, they keep reminding not to stop on what makes my life busy…because if I did, not only me will be affected, also my children, and their future.. Many have judged me of my busyness or my business..it was so painful to hear their judgement but, I never let them see the pain I felt.just ignore their wrong judgment.I just continue in finding ways to meet with our daily needs.I need to triple time so i could provide them …but I found myself here happy because I learned a lot from my own life experiences. That in every proble:m that we face, there always a solution in it…its up to us how we figure it out and how we deal with it.
Great post. Yeah, it’s pretty tough once you have a kid to focus on business, but you make a good point about the power of focus.
I love how Atlas is making a “peace out” sign with his fingers in the photo.
Haha! This is awesome. Noah, the time I quit my day job was the time my wife found out she was pregnant. Coincidence? Perhaps. But working from home as a self-employed entrepreneur dad has been amazing. Yes, it has challenges, and time constraints, but it’s so gratifying. And I get to be at home to watch my baby girl grow.
Cheers & thanks for the great work 🙂
Brad
Good read. As a parent and entrepreneur, my advice is: do not over optimize. It might sound contrary to some of your points, but here’s the deal. Kids are smart. If I/you consistently multi-task while taking care of them they will begin to feel unloved which could result in all kinds of short and long term issues. Knowing when to focus on family alone, and when it’s okay to multi-task or work extra hours — that is the key for me. Oh, and sleep. The value of sleep goes up when you’re a parent. p.s. my wife pretty much rocks and does A LOT of the caring for our two baby boys. Still, I’m learning lots of lessons about work/family time balance.
Good callout Nate – kids are smart, and generic answers while your head is in your laptop or smart phone will only get you (and them) so far.
My kids teach me how to focus on the important things. I have two kids so my time is limited. I have to focus on the important things otherwise I will miss out on opportunities to make progress in my business. I try to spend quality time with them when they are awake and when my wife is awake. When they go to bed I work hard with as much focus I can possibly have after working a full day at my full-time job. When you’re a parent hustling is doubled!
Great post and great comments. As an entrepreneur and father of 7 year old twins, it’s been an interesting journey. I wouldn’t change a thing (well, except for some of the stupid business mistakes I’ve made) but it is demanding. No matter what anyone says, there are 24 hours in a day, and a limited number of days in your life. Make sure you do what’s really important, not just at work (having kids and getting rid of our nanny really helped with the prioritization) but in life.
(I actually wrote a post about this in response to Anne Marie Slaughter’s article in The Atlantic about “having it all”: https://www.mimiran.com/small-business-owner/can-you-have-it-all-of-course-not/)
On a lighter note, one of my funnier moments was when the twins were about 3 months old, getting a conference call with about 20 people on three continents at 6AM, thinking “I’ll be up feeding them anyway, and I can just be on mute”, then finding out I was supposed to lead the call. Someone should have recorded that for a movie…
Great sharing, Noah! I have been looking for stories from someone who has a day job and takes care of babies at night. Yes, it’s tiring just like you say in the 4th lesson. Your 9 lessons are very helpful to me. I encourage all guys who have the same situation to read this post. It might be helpful to you as well.
I have a 4 month old, and I have learned these exact 9 lessons, in the exact same order, even. I’ve made it work. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s working! And my little baby boy is rockin’ it.
Cute post.
We learn great life and business lessons through our children. I have 9 children and gave birth to 6 of them. I had all 6 of my birth children before I was 30. I was blessed with a surprise baby at the age of 44. There are 14 years difference between my youngest daughter and my youngest son who is turning 12 next week. And I homeschooled all my children all the way through to college. I also have been self employed since I was 16. The main decision I made when I was only 18 finding out I was pregnant for the first time is that I was going to be home with my kids. I was going to work around their schedules. We have done very well. I coach one day a week and make over 6 figures a year working that one day a week. Everyone knows not to bother me on that one day. We own a real estate brokerage also and run it from our home office. My husband does all the running around work so I can homeschool and I do all the marketing and blogging, seo, etc at night when everyone is sleeping. You learn what are priorities and everything fits around those. I choose lifestyle over anything else. People ask me all the time how do I get it all done. I don’t do it all myself. I delegate. We have a landscaper, I have a house helper, I have a full team of virtual assistants who help me in my businesses. I love your points in your post! So true! I learned to do a lot of things with one hand!
>> Deployed to Afghanistan
>> 3 Kids at Home, one was several months old
>> #4 on the Way
>> Family had to move 1,500 miles across the States to relocate… without me
>> No communication with partners beside email
>> My Superwoman of a Wife and I decided it was THE PERFECT time to tear down one business and START another
By the way, baby 4, Gracen (boy), was born 54 hours after I landed back on freedom soil
“I’m too busy to start a business” — Dude, busy people are the only people who win… Let’s Go!
And those last two boys are now almost 4 and almost 3 and I have to constantly guard the keyboard from syrup and sippy cup bombs… Life Is Good.
I’ve felt pretty guilty about not being able to hustle as much.
But I have two little ones and they are awesome.
Hard to hustle with that and a full time job.
Thanks for sharing Noah!
I loved this! Kids really do have a way of humbling you and also teaching you to make the most of any situation. I own a Pilates studio and a couple of my employees have grade school children. Many times we have had all four children playing quietly and happily together in the studio office. At first it was a little disruptive but over time the kids grew in their patience and all the grown ups enjoy saying hello to these really fun loving adorable kids. Not one bad word to me ever about having them in the studio. I give credit to their Moms for making it to work. I also know lots of young women who wear their infants to their Pilates studios in those cute slings. As a Mom of teen aged boys, they helped us move locations last year. Kids make it real.
Here’s what being a parent while running my own business – on top of a day job – taught me:
WORK/LIFE BALANCE IS BS.
There is no “balance”. My family is part of my life. *So is my work*. When our kid was about two, we noticed that some days she ate a ton, some days she ate very little, but that if we normalized what she ate over a couple of days, we realized that she’d eaten about the same amount on average. So we stopped worrying about setting her portions and let her handle her own portion control.
I’ve discovered that the same is true of “work/life balance”. Some days I work a lot. Some days I have more family time. As long as this normalizes over a few days and I’m getting the right work stuff done, I call it a win. My kid understands that sometimes, I need to work and it doesn’t mean I’m ignoring her or that she’s not important since, at other times, *she’s* the priority and I set work aside.
So nevermind the precise-schedule-every-day-that-allows-for-perfect-time-increments-for-everything. That’s BS and is no way to have a happy family and a thriving business.
I have 3 kids and have run my own business for 12 years. Kids are worth it, but it’s the ultimate, “you can’t understand a man till you’ve walked a mile in his shoes” example. Babysitting is a great primer for why it’s so hard. Nice to see you enjoy the experience and come out with a good understanding.
I agree with a lot of your points,the thing my kids have taught me the most about business is that there is a reason I’m in business for myself, and they’re it. Without them I could have had a different career, but not a better life.
OMG Noah, first you are one of my favorites and 2nd I love you even more as I have 2 small kids and trying to do a podcast and start another business, I do wish others would get it, the fact that I want to create and i can have a nice marriage of 17 yrs and 2 small children. Yes I am only 38 started marriage life and travel young, but also that it is a time hack because you are forced to do what you need either superass early or naptime or after they go to bed, I really appreciate all you do, I love your business, your interviews on podcasts and your writings. Thank you for always bringing value to me and if I can ever do the same for you please let me know
Nic
Hmm feeding someone else’s baby double what they’re supposed to eat.
What could go wrong!
Top 3 I’ve learned about business from currently raising (2) kids:
a) Be resilient.
Every setback, failure, thing not going according to plan is just another bump in the road. Get your little cry/self pity bout out of the way and then move on to what’s next.
b) Be present.
If you’re working, then work. If you’re with family, then do that. Only by focusing on what you’re doing can you be/do the best in that moment.
c) Be genuinely curious AKA “There is no spoon”
Kids are all about exploring this new world without any preconceived notions. It’s amazing what you can discover when you’re not looking to exploit/optimize every situation and doing something just because.
Oh, Dear, Sweet, Noah. I applaud you for taking on the task of caring for someone else’s child. You are a SAINT!
And here is my feedback, to consider before you have children of your own.
When you “zone out” in the car listening to whatever instead of some (not high priority) it is because you are mentally needing to recharge. I’m glad you understand that your brother does early morning routine so that he can be better for himself AND for others. It’s critical. Glad you noticed.
Typing one-handed while feeding is a double-edged sword. If you were this child’s parent I would tell you to immediately STOP this behavior and pay attention to the cherub in your arms. By double-tasking, you are missing out on precious bonding opportunities that (a) you will never get back because time flies and (b) nurture a child in a way that nothing else can. Were you read to as a child? It is time that a child gets to be held, engaged with one-on-one and spoken to in a voice that is often soothing and can be had precious few other places. Please don’t multi-task when you’re in a place (feeding, reading, bathtime, etc) that direct eye contact, intimate conversations and genuine bonding can happen. If you don’t pay attention, neither will the kid later on. Remember, nonverbal communication speaks loudest.
xoxo
Can totally relate. Great post Noah. You learn to better manage your time when you have a child. I thought I was busy before I had my son, but I realize now that I wasted a lot of time before I had a child. Having less time definitely makes me prioritize and use my limited time better. I get my side business work done between 9-11pm. Also podcasts and audio blogs are so invaluable to me.
Man, tell me about raising kids. It’s all consuming and overwhelming. I always say someone who has a child but stays with the significant other and someone who raises a child are two different experiences…try raising one! Otherwise they truly are adorable, but a lot of hard work. Anyway thanks for your observation and we can learn from your thoughts.
I can relate! We don’t have young children anymore but these days I still have to be very focused with my time.
My #1 lesson from being a business owner and a new dad (9 month old) – have an amazing partner and be an amazing partner. It’s much easier to manage businesses and babies as a two person team.
After my daughter was born, I took two months off and my partner ran the business with little help from me. Now my daughter is in daycare 3 days per week – I stay home with her one day and my wife stays home with her another day. I’m lucky to have an amazing business partner who’s understanding and supportive. Many dads don’t have this opportunity.
Of course, I’ll return the favor when he has kids.
You are so funny Noah! Great post again and spot on! I have 3 kids and am working on starting my business so I can relate. My children are my main motivation. I want to set an example, to be able to say: You can do almost anything in life if you put your mind to it. And have some extra money so we can all travel the world together!
You forgot to mention the stream of illnesses kids give you, sick days, and mortgage-equivalent daycare costs. You have chores after they go to sleep too, especially if you want to feed them real food. Chronic illnesses and ailments aren’t uncommon by parenting age either and that further complicates matters. It can be done but you and your spouse need to be on top of your game. Otherwise, it’s not practical until the kids are all in public school.
Rutheless prioritization 🙂 I only take the meetings that matter, I learned to be super efficient with the time I get thanks to my awesome nanny and I try to automate as many time consuming tasks I can (I love Instacart, for example- no more dragging a kid through grocery aisles!)
Great post and glad you got kid exposure. Next step… take Atlas on a plane trip.
You’ll have a new appreciation for people flying with babies 😉
My kids were the reason I started my own business. After coming home again and again miserable I looked at them and asked myself “If my kids were doing this to themselves what would I tell them?”
I realized that my actions were telling them “working and doing something you don’t believe in is okay.”
I reevaluated my priorities at left my practice.
I’ll thank both of them someday for this 🙂
(Luckily I also have an awesome spouse who agreed with my realization)
Dude this was awesome and so true! As a dad to a newborn I can totally relate to this. I wrote a post that was sort of meant to be funny but ended up becoming quite helpful called “5 Steps To Writing A Blog Post While Feeding a Newborn Baby” – you might like it (for next time you watch baby Atlas) It was born out of the same frustrations that you mentioned.
https://www.josephmichael.net/blog/2014/6/26/how-to-write-a-blog-post-while-feeding-your-newborn-baby
I have a seven month old, and he was ‘launched’ at the same time my site was birthed onto the world. If that wasn’t enough, I’m also the CEO of a staffing company with presence in two states.
Much as I love my commercial challenges, and my gorgeous startup, nothing comes close to the joy of holding him, feeding him, playing with him, and yes, changing his heavy diapers.
The best line in that whole blog post… “Warning: I don’t encourage having a child just to increase your productivity”….. But kids will teach you a thing or two about priorities and time….
Hillarious but serious at the same time. I am a grandpa and we are babysitting our 3 year old grandson few days a week, and oh my gosh what a bundle of energy, so working on my stuff takes a new meaning. You are so right on point that It’s a must read for everyone. Awesome lessons about lifes and productivity.
Thanks for the RESPECT!
Like you, I knew most everything about child rearing before I had them. Now I’m on my apology circuit like a 12-step program.
Two things that I’ve learned: 1) If you actually get some time to watch TV at night ask yourself this question. If I woke you up in the morning and tried to get you to watch TV with me instead of sleeping – how would you answer? If no, then bed is a better choice.
2). OUTSOURCING is huge. It surprising to me how affordable it is to hire an excellent nanny. Now our house is getting cleaned, laundry is getting done, and our kids are getting a bi-lingual upbringing. Do the math – if your time (and sanity, and relationship) is worth more than you’d have to pay – get help!
3). Noah – You don’t know shit (yet) about changing diapers. Go visit when your nephew is 2 years old and you essentially have to don a hazmat suit and turn the garden hose on him to get him sanitized.
Reminds me of the first time I watched both my grandchildren at the same time. Taking care of a 9 month old and running after a three year old, no easy task. It still was a lot of fun.
Sally Goddard Blythe, International Director of the Institute for Neuro-Physiological Psychology writes, “One of the greatest threats to modern society comes not from diseases of then past (which medicine and hygiene have largely controlled), but illnesses, learning disorders and social problems, which are a direct consequence of modern living conditions, lifestyle, and ignorance of children’s biological needs…”
In her article, “Assessing Neuromotor Readiness for Learning,” Blythe laments that too many infants, toddlers and young children find themselves in “containers” (swings, infant seats, high chairs, etc.) that limit their ability to move and explore; they find themselves exposed to increasing hours of sedentary screen time; and they fluctuate between being bombarded by noise and overstimulation …to a lack of appropriate sensory experiences. Her research suggests these cultural practices fail to support the maturation of the vestibular, limbic, or nervous systems and leave primitive reflexes uninhibited past optimal developmental timetables.
A child’s brain will have grown to 90% of adult weight by age 3, and have attained about 95% of peak volume by age 6 –forming the cognitive architecture and perceptive abilities with long lasting influence on the individual’s mental and physical health.
Not only should we not give a child more milk so he would sleep longer (allowing us to get more done) but ignoring the fact that the child has their own set of biologically determined needs …is like ignoring gravity (another law of nature). It does not end well.
All that said, having children near by (as you run a business) is replete with positive lessons for both the child and adult. And, a 4 day babysitting gig is unlikely to render any lasting consequences. But as an advocate for children and families, as well as entrepreneurs, I know that we hope for successful outcomes in our families and our businesses.
Historically, the care of children had been considered “women’s work,” and therefore devalued and unworthy of much study or attention. Now we know that this work is foundational to the future of humanity, as our population grows, and technology and globalization become increasingly complex.
Noah, if you could learn as much you did in watching a baby for just 4 days, imagine what you might learn given even more time : )
https://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/multimedia/interactive_features/biodevelopmental-framework/
My husband and I are raising four children while running a major company together. We have it all worked out now, but the early years were crazy hard. The sleep deprivation associated with having a newborn around makes everything about 50x more difficult. You’re right though, you learn to prioritize FAST, because your windows of opportunity are narrow and you’re unbelievably groggy. 😉
I have three kids from 9-16, and I started working for myself when my oldest was born. I love your list. The thing I’d add is juggling kids and work has taught me to have a sense of humor. Kid scribbles on my “important” papers, trying to do a phone interview with a kid suddenly yelling, “I have to go poo-poo!” in the background… laugh or die. I still maintain a professional demeanor as people are paying me for professional results, but sometimes life gets real and you have to just embrace it.
I left my job this year to go out on my own as a designer and consultant and currently work from home. My wife home schools our 5 yr in Kindergarten and 11 year old in grade 6.
I’ve been learning that interruptions will happen and can’t been seen as a bother but rather as their desire to connect with dad for a momen during the day. When I keep focused on my work they continue to show up looking for affirmation but hen I genuinely connect with them for a few minutes their emotional tank is filled and they go back to their school work or play time.
I left my job to free up more time to be with them and now I’m learning each day what it takes to do that.
Patience
Love
Understanding
One handed typing
A big magnetic board for all the Kindergarten projects
Willingness to ignore my self imposed timelines to gain impactful moments in their lives
I’ve got an almost six month old daughter. I get up super early, do my meditation, do my physical therapy exercises (I just had shoulder surgery…that alone has been a bear), and then take my daughter from my wife and play with her while my wife gets ready. I work during the weeks away from home, late, but spend a huge amount of time with my wife during the weekend.
1) Time with the family, even if limited, is inviolate. I very, very rarely compromise on this. They will be there when everything else crashes and burns, and to Maggie (my daughter), time playing Peek-a-boo is irreplaceable. There is a linear function for time spent with family and return on that time. Coming from the Army, I know what is and what is not a real emergency. Hint: if it doesn’t involve true threat to life, limb, eyesight, or solvency, it isn’t really an emergency.
2) Automation and finding people that can take care of menial tasks is priceless. Why, hello, Fiverr and Odesk. Where have you been all my life?
3) The three best attitudes to take in a new environment and with new people are Curiosity, Compassion, and Gratitude. For most of us, nobody is trying to kill us, although for many of us, it feels that way. Have Gratitude for your safety, what you learn from mistakes and the help kind people give you and compassion for people struggling. It really helps. Curiosity will help you learn where to place the other things and keeps things interesting.
This article felt very vindicating. Thanks!
I learned a significant lesson from my 11yr old. She’s quite handy on the iPad with photo rendering and manipulation with various apps. She started up an Instagram account and started posting photos of her favourite band up at a high frequency, always putting up something new. This only started a few months ago and she now has over 1000 followers on Instagram. Persistance and passion for what she was doing drove that figure up. People pay significant sums of money to get an audience on social media and an 11yr old did it for free with just a bit of passion for what she was doing and knowing what her audience wanted.
LOVE this post! And thanks for the props. I own two businesses and have a toddler, so many of the things you mentioned really hit home. I remember just before we brought baby home we had a conversation of “Do we really need a sitter? He’s just going to sleep all day, right? How hard can it be?” BWAH HA HA HA HA, past, childless Self. You had no idea how hard it would actually be.
The biggest key to my sanity and productivity has been to outsource more. Before kids, I was too cheap to outsource. I would always find excuses for doing it myself. Now, I have a virtual assistant, someone who cleans once a week, someone who mows the yard, and we eat out most nights instead of me cooking. Without these support systems in place, I would have panic attacks from not being able to handle it all. Plus, to your point, it’s freed me up to spend more time on revenue generating activities so I can afford all these awesome services and actually enjoy my life.
I’d add that the only thing more challenging than being a working mom is being a mom who stays at home full time. I tried that for about six weeks and it was by far the hardest job I’ve ever had.
Nice post, Noah. I’ve been raising infant twin girls (they’re 8.5 months now) while raising a startup apparel company. In that time I’ve been thinking about the parallels of child-rearing and entrepreneurship. To your list I would add:
(1) Patience + persistence. Whether it’s getting that baby to burp, finish her bottle, or go the F to sleep, you have to just keep after it until you’re successful. The same is true with testing your concept, building your product, or testing marketing techniques. Just stay after it.
(2) Be observant and continuously improve. Our girls were waking up sweaty and cranky. So we invested in a ceiling fan and that problem went away. Especially in the beginning, we tracked their formula intake and sleeping schedule, and tried different things as they grew. With the startup, we monitor our analytics and customer feedback to make our site and customer experience better.
(3) If it’s time to pivot, do so whole-heartedly. As soon as they showed signs of being able to sleep through the night, we committed to sleep-training them. Even though it’s doubly tough with twins who cry and wake each other up, it yielded dividends after a week or so and my wife and I had our evenings back to ourselves. (Thank God.)
(4) Mobile devices are your best friend. I have done a lot of reading with a kid in my lap or playing on the floor.
I have always heard that if you want something done give it a busy person; they understand that they are in a time crunch where as the person with lots of time on their hands will naturally procrastinate.
Here are some other lessons for those with multiple kids.
1. Delegation. Our 4 year old is often asked to go get the diaper for our 8 month old, or to gaurd duty to keep her out of the kitchen or to be the entertainer for a few minutes. It gives him a chance to have a sense of accomplishment.
2. Give others a chance to be part of the success. The 4 year old helper does a great service but also learns responsibility. In his feeling of self pride he is enthusiastic to help and wants to take on more challenges.
3. Never let others share in your defeat. If the 4 year old helper is not successful and feels he is the cause of the failure he will be less likely to be as helpful, take on new challenges. give clues as to how he might be more successful in the future and let him figure it out.
4. Understand limitations. The 4 year old can be a great helper but for only a certain amount. Anticipate that attention span – employees are the same, they work for you for the money, you work for you for the dream. They are not as emotionally invested in your success. Their own lives will always invade the days thoughts, this is normal; find ways to not let it be too much of a distraction; or perhaps a way to incorporate it in the days events…this way you can channel its energy and possibly find a way to use it as a motivator for success on the job.
5. Never for get why you are doing this. My wife and I have an incredibly busy life. I work over seas (month on month off) and communication is difficult at best; on top of that I serve in the military – my reserve life is busier than most….On top of that we are starting a business while raising a 4 year old and 8 month old! I think we have started scheduling time for sleep. Every day I look at the I am motivated to keep going, if successful I will be able to spend more time with them in the end.
My husband and I started a business together 22 years ago. When we started we had a 2 year old. A week later I discovered I was pregnant again. It’s been quite a ride…we started a project management company in the basement and now have a staff of 50 serving the pharmaceutical industry from an amazing heritage building we renovated. Not only are we still married, we have shared the same physical office space for 22 years.
There were endless learnings on our journey, but having seen our two kids grow into successful adults at 22 and 25, I think we did a lot of things right. Here are some of the things that building a business, family and marriage at the same time have taught us:
1. Focus on now
If you are with your kids or your spouse, focus on them, not the email you forgot to send. If you are with your clients, focus on them, not the laundry you didn’t do. Focus creates productivity. Productivity gives you time for the rest you need to/want to do.
2. Forget perfection
Our house hasn’t be spotless for 2 decades. It doesn’t matter. Friends understand that friendship is more important than a show home. I’ve used time that I could have been cleaning the same kitchen counter and floor over and over to spend in my garden, which responds to my attention as a beautiful sanctuary and sanity. Even the kids learned that if they wanted to ask for something they should wait until I’d been in the garden for half an hour because then I was more relaxed and open. For my husband, it’s cooking up a storm and not worrying about the dishes. The meals he makes more than compensate for the dirty sink!
3. Involve the kids
Ours have done everything from licking stamps and shredding paper when they were younger to fixing computers and doing FB posts when they were in university. They learned a lot. So did we. Our two energizer bunnies are both amazing problem solvers and every boss they’ve ever had wishes they had a dozen more workers like them!
4. Erase guilt
If you are feeling guilty, ask yourself why. You started your business to do the things you love, so if you love being able to go on a school field trip on a Tuesday morning with your 7 years old, do it. The work will still be there at the end of the week but your chance to take that trip with 7 year old will never happen again. And you’ll be amazed at how fulfilling the trip will be for your sanity and inspiration!
5. Let go
Don’t talk about business every minute of every day. Your family and friends need a break and believe it or not, so do you. It’s called balance. Remember, you started a business so you could be your own boss, so don’t be a tyrant to yourself 🙂