Getting to "I Do" by Patricia Allen

Getting to “I Do” by Patricia Allen

Many relationship books sound the same or the advice is easy to read but hard to put in practice. This book Getting to “I Do” by Patricia Allen was different.

Here’s 3 major themes that stuck out for me:

1. No sex without commitment. You don’t really hear about this too often.

2. Know your role. There’s masculine and feminine in relationships. Pick which one you are and find someone compatibility to that.

3. Accept. Know and love yourself. Find someone you accept for who they are as it’ll never work expecting to change them.

Today MANY Women (and men) who want it all end up with nobody to love. Both groups are SO bisexual they seem to not need each anymore.

There cannot be two presidents in a corporation. One male and one female!

A successful relationship has 3 components:

  1. Chemistry (attraction)
  2. Compatibility (common interests & goals)
  3. Communication (key to intimacy).

“Duty Date” exposing oneself to people one really doesn’t feel attracted to.

::Concept sounds neat to practice dating to learn more about yourself, your likes and build confidence as you are looking for a long-term partner.::

Investigate your compatibility:
* Ask him about his career goals. He will be thrilled you are interested.
* Does he keep his commitments?

The only way you know you love yourself and others is by the commitments you are willing to make and keep.

NO SEX WITHOUT COMMITMENT.

::Such a strong statement. Think it talks a lot for both partners depending on their intention to make sure both get what they want out of the relationship. And not let sex cloud judgments too early in the process.::

A woman surrenders through her body, a man surrenders when he makes a commitment.

::Never thought of feminine as passive but they are receivers among many other things. Like the visual of this in relationships and the acceptance of each person.::

Femininity is passivity. A true balance of energy, women must give back to men who graciously give, protect, and cherish them first. When a man can give, protect and cherish his woman above himself, he has matured to “selflessness” and he will be rewarded by those he loves.

A truly feminine woman shares with her man her feelings about what pleases or does not please her, which allows him to solve a problem - in his way, not hers.

Do not try to rebuild your man => you are acting like a mother. Realize that it is a man’s imperfections that individualize him, give him character and make him lovable.

A good man is hard to capture, and you can’t do anything to capture him - He has to capture you with his own energy.

::This made me feel relaxed. That a woman SHOULD allow a man to be a man and go after what he wants vs forcing expectations.::

Masculine men can hear an opportunity to please a woman, but they resist women who seem to issue commands.

An “UNdependent” man has a right to friends, his career and hobbies and doesn’t let a woman intimidate him out of them.

It is a masculine man’s job to give that pleasure to her or risk losing her. It is a feminine woman’s job to appreciate his efforts and respond joyfully.

When a man feels safe, he will shares his feelings voluntarily. Until then, don’t ask. He does not want to perform on demand.

We hide our defects and dark side behind a wall of superficial perfection until time and circumstance force them out.

::I like the above quote that everyone has “defects” and not to hide them in the relationship.::

In relationship that isn’t working, some tend to give more, rather than evaluate what she had NOT received in the way of compassion.

Becoming a couple means compromising some of your rights and freedoms as an individual for the benefit of the relationship.

Pay attention to your feelings. Avoid what you don’t want. Honor your body. If it doesn’t feel good, don’t do it.

Each of us must look inside ourselves, examine our real desires, and then act on them.

::Love the above ideas of what are you compromising, where are you listening to yourself and being clear what we really want in our lives / relationships.::

Engagement and marriage are not the end goal of commitment but rather the beginning.

Ways to growing together in the relationship:

  • Set aside 15 minutes a day to talk. When a man’s thinking is respected, he feels cherished. When a woman’s feelings are cherished, she feels respected.
  • Have a 2 hour experience with no phones, bath tub and just enjoying the other person. Don’t talk from the beginning of the encounter until the end.

Pick a male who gives love the way YOU like to receive.

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2 responses to “Getting to “I Do” by Patricia Allen”

Barbara
August 27, 2020 at 11:28 am

Hi Noah, Thanks for sharing. This book gives great advice and insights that even today many people either ignore or don't understand that relationships are not an "if he/she doesn't have this or this then he/she's out" before they even know each other. On September 1st it is my 30th wedding anniversary to the love of my life and I don't say that to be a cliche, it's just reality. When we met I was 29 years old and a little wiser. I realized how sex can cloud judgment and distract you from really getting to know a person. I would not have sex with, my now-husband, until I knew we were both committed. He didn't like it but respected me for it. I also was more interested in the type of person he was than if he was the best looking or had money (unfortunately these are prerequisites for a lot of women). I was open to learning who he truly was and what he cared about in his life. What I found was the most compassionate and kind person I've ever known and I fell in love (and the sex is amazing) We have always respected each other. We have two grown children that have said to us that it's going to be hard to find what we have but they know it's possible. I do believe the 3 -C's is key. Chemistry doesn't always mean only sexual attraction. My husband has made me laugh from day one and I think humor is sexy. Compatibility - We both love to do things; ski, hike, bike, travel, and we both are not into drama. We also both come from very dysfunctional families of divorced parents and are committed to not let that happen to us. Communication - being honest from the very beginning is so important. Also speaking up when something is bothering you rather than holding it in. I've found half the time my husband didn't even know anything was wrong. Not because he didn't care, he just wasn't a mind reader...lol. Love that you shared this book and I know some people that could benefit from its wisdom and will be sharing.

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Ken Lyke
August 26, 2020 at 10:33 am

Brilliant. I hear Elliott Hulse, 5 Love Languages, and a real understanding of the biologycand psychology of the sexes. Best quote is about hyper-bisexuality.

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