But, while you’re waiting for him to drop another pearl of wisdom let’s think: what have you done for Noah?

Seriously, he’s done a ton for me. He’s done a ton for everyone! Has Noah ever done the following for you:

• Made you smile
• Made you laugh
• Introduced you to someone
• Given you feedback
• Handed you a free ________ (lunch, book, etc.)
• Written something that helped you out
• Introduced you to a cool new website
• Forced you to think differently about something
• Forced you to think, period
• etc…

Odds are there are dozens, if not hundreds or thousands of people in your life that have done these things for you.

Friends are important not always because of what they have, will, and can do for you, but what you have, will, and can do for them. What’s something awesome you’ve done for a friend lately? And, what’s the number one reason you subscribe to Okdork?

I’m just curious…

1- Don’t ask to put me on hold. I always say I don’t want to be on hold but you do it cause you planned anyways. Solution: Just say I am going to put you on hold to help you faster.
2- Don’t play shitty music. Solution: Let me choose between a few options. Even better, add in a jokes section or daily news. Make me interested in listening to your crappy songs.
3- Answer after 1 ring. Solution: Do it.
4- Don’t say you are going to record the conversation. I have heard that crappy saying and my calls to you never get better. Solution: Make it funny. We are going to record your call and if you have a great voice we will listen to it every night to put us to sleep.
5- Don’t advertise. It already sucks that I have to call you about a problem I am having. Solution: Don’t advertise your other services since I am already pissed about you calling for a service I am dealing with. PS. Don’t Fing tell me to go do it online. Online sucks and I want a real person to fix it in “real” time.
6- Don’t ask me about my day. I know you don’t really care that I am feeling sad or that my dog died. Solution: Be sincere and just say I hope your day is going swell.

What else am I missing?

Make up something about them.

Seriously, I love this one. I say “Oh you look like a Rock Climber.” Try to make it somewhat plausible. Usually they aren’t but they will talk about what they are and there you go;) The best is when you guess right. Make a game of it.

CONGRATULATIONS

I got this one from Atish. Basically, you say congratulations to the person right when you see them. This works better with someone you know already. They will think about it and generally respond with “oh yea, thanks for remembering.” It’s really funny and works well. I tried it on my friend last week and he went on about something I nearly forgot he did.

Any other fun ways to start conversations?

Marcella: Well we all have to go sometime, sir, but we can choose when.

Martin Blank: (Standing up to disconnect the call) Nobody chooses when.

– John Cusack, Grosse Pointe Blank

Imagine: You’re a 53-year-old CEO of a well-respected international consultancy that spans the industrialized world. As a matter of profession, you socialize with and advise chieftains of multi-billion-dollar firms, and your life is scheduled out eighteen months in advance, optimized to the nth degree from dawn to midnight, juggling the obligations of a family and the demands of a job where your thoughts and insights are constantly sought by colleagues, subordinates, clients and compatriots. Retirement to a golf resort is still over a decade away – until then, every moment brings new challenges, new opportunities and you are primed to handle them with the same energy and focused attention that got you where you are.

Life is good.

Now imagine: a doctor’s visit. You’ve been in excellent health your whole life and expect your recent headaches to be a minor annoyance to be chased away by time or the right handful of pills.

“I have bad news. You have inoperable brain cancer. You have three to six months. I’m sorry.”

Like a rain of lit kerosene on a well-manicured garden, Gene O’Kelly’s meticulously-planned, ordered life was torched in an instant, and he now has to compress the balance of his life into 100 days.

What would you do?

What would you do?

On Ben Casnocha’s strong recommendation, I picked up a copy of Gene O’Kelly’s haunting memoir, Chasing Daylight, which chronicled his final journey into oblivion, beginning with his diagnosis, and ending with his wife writing the last chapter of a book he was unable to finish.

In one measure, he was fortunate – the cancer that afflicted O’Kelly would not compromise his mental facilities; he would have the presence of mind to be himself right up until the end – and in this, he considered himself blessed, as he wrote in the opening lines of his book.

In his final 100 days, O’Kelly brought the methodical, organized ethos that made him an effective executive into the realm of settling his interpersonal affairs: drafting a plan of how he wanted to say goodbye to friends, colleagues, family – in the right order, and in a manner that preserves the best parts of their memories without maudlin moments of regret or anguish.

Every decision was weighed with an eye toward making the best of each of his remaining days (refusing chemotherapy, for instance, since the putative benefits of extending his life by weeks came at the expense of wracking him in distracting pain), chasing the remnants of daylight left in the accelerated sunset of his life in pursuit of “Perfect Moments” where he and the person he was saying goodbye to had full presence of mind in the now, with no room for useless ‘what-if’ dwelling in the past or idle speculation of a future that he can no longer be a part of.

Everybody draws different things from such a powerfully personal story – what took my breath away about the entire account was its supporting character who made sporadic appearances, Corinne O’Kelly … Gene’s wife, upon whom the burden of his decline and demise must fall the heaviest. Right at his side the whole time, faithfully transcribing his notes for the book chronicling his final days to share his journey with others, all the while channeling her own grief, her sadness and her love into this, their final project together.

If I am allowed a criticism of the book, it is this: O’Kelly did not give his wife nearly the space she deserved, her quiet devotion and running interference on the background that gave him license to fully explore what it meant to die well and on his own terms. But perhaps this, too, was intentional and as it should have been, a long-winded tribute to a beloved wife is something more fitting for private reading – and the book, like Gene O’Kelly’s business life, is the public man than he chose to share.

Thank you, Gene – for a thoughtful and soul-stirring read. I hope to raise a toast to you one day in Valhalla, but if it’s all the same to you, I hope that day is far off. And thank you, Ben, for the recommendation.

Off to work.

Related Reading: Twilight of my Years (musings on mortality)

Motivation and Gratitude (essay on the invisible miracles we take for granted that keep our bodies working)

This is post from Kai Chang as a part of User Generated Tuesdays, er Wednesday;)

You’re not alone; I don’t know of too many men who don’t have these sorts of issues, large or small. It is a cruel twist of psychology, then, that the more that you like the girl you’re dating, the more you’ll want to hold onto her, and the more that these issues will manifest themselves in all manner of unattractive ways. It can get so bad that the behaviors of some women make them undatable to some men. For example, I know of men who just can’t be with a girl who has close guy friends; it makes them feel like they are less special.

Even if you’ve found your way into a relationship with a girl who doesn’t frequently trigger your insecurities, it’s bound to happen now and again. Perhaps she does it with willful knowledge, or perhaps its pure carelessness, but no matter how it happens, it causes your pulse to shoot through the roof. This can be a great opportunity for you to grow.

This opportunity becomes a necessity when you’re dating a girl with her own insecurities and trust issues. She gives you a hard time when female friends call you, wonders why you’re ignoring her if you don’t text back within five minutes, and her clinginess level is somewhere between “golden retriever hair on a black wool jacket� and “Velcro.� You put up with it all the same – you like her, you help her through it, you’re even happy to know that she values you enough that such things affect her. It makes you feel important that she thinks you’re so important.

Beware – you are in dangerous waters! This girl needs a strong man, so here is today’s lesson: being supportive of a girl’s insecurities does not entitle you to being insecure as well. In fact, this girl is less likely to put up with your insecurities than is a stronger women – she doesn’t have the emotional space.

When she acts in ways you don’t like, don’t have an emotional response. Shifting your emotional issues onto her will put too much pressure on her. Furthermore, if she begins to feel like every little thing she does upsets you, she might just break up with you and reject herself out of the relationship before you even have a chance to. This auto-rejection mechanism is much stronger in girls who have big insecurities.

So go punch through some drywall or something if you’re feeling tense.

Changing behaviors of hers that you don’t like will require a calm, rational discussion well after the behavior has occurred. Sit her down, tell her that she did something that you didn’t like. Explain why you thought the behavior was immature/not womanly/mean-spirited/etc., and how you would expect a woman like her to deal with it next time. Point out that this is something that bothers you, but that trust her to make the necessary changes. Then don’t bring it up anymore.

If her behavior changes, make sure to show your appreciation and respect for her growth.

Interestingly enough, you will begin to gain control over your own insecurities throughout this process. By proving to both your girlfriend and yourself that you can be the strong man she needs, your self-belief will begin to trump your self-doubts.

This post is part of User Generated Tuesdays. If you want to be read by 2,500+ new friends please go here. If you want to post something today check out Okdork Public. This post is written by Jonathan Hudson, professional relationship expert and helper to men world-wide.

Ladies? Do you know about pre-mature ejaculation? It sucks, no pun intended.

How does this relate to business? People do this ALL the time with their business cards.

Scenario:
Guy: Here is my business card. Hi I am Andy
Noah: Looking at card. “Okay, hello.” [Thinking: Why are you giving me this? It's too soon. I barely know you. What's the point?]
Guy: Blah. Blah

Bottom Line: You don’t have sex on the first date (mostly). Get to know someone before you just shove a business card in their pants, pun intended.

Hi, my name is Jonathan, and Noah has asked me to write a weekly piece on meeting and dating people. I was the co-founder of a company called Charisma Arts, and used to travel around the world to teach men how to talk to women. These days, I am starting another business in an unrelated industry, but this is still fun to write about and share. Please visit me at www.turnseven.com for more of this sort of writing.

I used to have terrible approach anxiety – the fear of walking up and talking to new people. As I would learn, this is very common and leaves many men and women sad, alone, and undersexed. Most of the time, the causes of approach anxiety are pretty simple: you don’t know what to say, or you’re afraid of being rejected when you say it.

For a long time, my way of dealing with approach anxiety was to get my friends to approach women for me – not such a great way to learn. More adventurous men came up with conversation starters that they would test methodically. For example, there were stories like the “jealous girlfriend opener,� refined over many introductions. We’re not talking the old “are you an angel, because..?� cheesy stuff. We’re talking heavy duty stories that were built to engage women in specific ways. My company often advocated that men drop these – our suggested opening line was “Hi, my name is __________� – but from time to time we let a guy continue to use these “canned� stories if they were working for him.

As the years went by and I learned and taught and eventually got used to introducing myself to lots of new people, things began to gel. I realized why canned openers were working for some guys and not for others, and how that principal was more broadly applicable. When a guy believed that one of these openers would start a conversation, he often delivered it with a confidant playfulness. The times that someone failed, I could see that it wasn’t the material, but his lack of faith in the material and subsequently poor delivery. But what happens when you strip away the material and keep the delivery?

Ah-ha! Like so many things in life, the fundamentals of saying hello to a person are far more important than the flourishes. What it ultimately comes down to is the vibe you give off, not the words you say. A simple truth, yes, but one that is easy to forget when the new object of your attention is five feet away and words aren’t coming to your mouth.

Easy happiness. Such a hard thing to achieve. But look: that person you’re approaching is as nervous about bringing a new person into their life as you are. Any nervousness you carry with you as the initiator of the interaction is going to be picked up by that person very quickly. As the de-facto leader of the interaction, its your responsibility to start it off an easy, happy vibe and energy.

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I meet a lot of people and I like getting to the “meat.” This is the place beyond superficiality in conversations. This is where you find out the person did a thesis on the downfall of GM, ran with the bulls in Spain or they are scared of the dark.

What are your favorite questions when you meet someone new?

Bonus: Best question gets a free microphone donated by Midomi.

This post is written by author of Starfish and the Spider, Ori Brafman.

It’s not often that I feel like I’m in the fashion know. I’m typically more driven by bargains and am still excited about those jeans I bought on super-extra-final-markdown-sale. Never mind that they look like something a high school kid wore in 1984.

Nonetheless, I have to declare my new Blackberry Pearl truly fashionable. Not only that, it’s a device that is not just fashion- but also geek-worthy. I might be in love with my new Blackberry. But the folks at RIM should be head over heels for Noah Brier.

A few weeks ago Brier was in town for Kagan’s Community Next conference. He and I are talking before the conference, when Brier pulls out his slick new Pearl. Within a minute, I’m trying out all the features with Brier telling me just what an amazing phone it is.

I’m hooked. The next day I go down to the store and buy one of my own.

Noah with afro & new Blackberry Pearl

A day later, the two Noahs and I are walking in the Mission District in San Francisco, where Brier tells Kagan about the new, amazing Pearl. Like me the day before, Kagan is hooked and buys one the next day. Lastly, Noah shows his friend Prashanth from SayNow, who goes out and buys one. And the story continues….

When you think about it, RIM couldn’t pay for this kind of publicity. Brier’s enthusiasm was genuine, and Kagan and I are just two among a whole bunch of people who bought the Pearl because of Brier.

Other than developing great products, how can companies develop more of what I call “friendship” marketing? That is, how can companies get people like Brier to champion their products?

It comes down to two things:

1. Identify a person who loves the product and wants to tell everyone about it. This is more than a satisfied user. This is someone who likes the new phone/car/TV/whatever so much that he¹d go out of his way to share his enthusiasm with others.

2. Develop a genuine relationship with this person. By genuine relationship, I mean a true friendship. What would happen if RIM put Brier on a special list of people who receive new products? Or better yet, what
if the Pearl’s designer called Brier and chatted with him about the product. In other words, what if the company made an effort to become friends with Brier.
Bottom Line:
Friendship is the key word here. A genuine relationship, where someone like Brier feels appreciated and acknowledged. Where the company makes an effort to be personable. And where a champion like Brier can continue doing marketing and promotions that money can’t buy.

For RSS Readers: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxdnZ_3FnDA

I never thought dating make sense. Dating is probably one of the most bizarre human behaviors. I understand that people are pretty much social animals and we crave for companionships. Just being around other people doesn’t seem to be enough, we seem to need to fall in love, be in love and share love.

With internet dating sites popping everywhere and many books being written about dating and relationships are we in danger of playing the “rules� when it comes to dating and forgotten all about “communication� and “commitment�?

How do people like you and I-social animals that tend to seek out one another’s company and the crave to connect to with other people get into this whole “speed dating� and “online screening dating?�

This is like a frustrating tango dance where both parties are not coordinating and communicating their steps. Are we living in an information technology age where we have instant messages, instant coffee, instant rice, drive-thru fast food, and tivo, that we need to have instant love and gratification as well? How long ago that we came up with the idea that we don’t have time to spend on love? It is not unusual that we do not take the time to get to know one another anymore.

Dating is money making business these days. Browse any bookstores and you can see the various books written that talks about relationships. I am not a big fan of these books actually. Most of them are all about mind games and why “playing hard to get� is essential in capturing “the target�. If you want to speak to someone, go ahead and pick up the phone and call them instead of waiting by the phone just to say “I’ m busy� when they call. If someone gets intimidated by a few calls then screw it!

I do not believe in “soul mates� rather relationships are all about timing. If you meet someone and you have an emotional connection with them, and they are at the same wavelength with you emotionally and mentally, then, these people move on into a “relationship�. If someone goes out on a date and compares the date to his or her ex, than we are not giving the other person a chance to get to know you and you getting to know the other person. Trust me, the right one won’t be scared away by your actions.

Heck, I am not a relationship guru, I have my fair share or heartbreaks (just like Noah and all of you) , that is why I want people to de-emphasize the word dating and start emphasizing on building relationships and building friendships.

If we communicate what our intentions are and we build relationships based on trust and friendship, then perhaps we can stumble into “a relationship.�

Most men and women are bitter and jaded about serious relationships and claimed that they had been screwed over is the precise point on why we should really be friends with the person before we date them.

I don’t put myself out there to meet people. I know everyone keeps telling you and me, but you aren’t going to meet anyone by just staying home! Honey, we meet people everywhere. We don’t need to go speed dating, or to a bar. I meet people at the coffee shops, grocery stores, on the Muni, at my work, at my gym, and tons and tons of places.

These “weak� relationships are actually building blocks on what later might be a “strong� relationship.

I don’t know how to change the system to replace this instant dating crap we are all used to seeing in reality shows but I approach dating as “so tell me something about you� instead of “what can you do for me� or “can I fuck you tonight.�