Category: Humor
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How to Spot a Stanford student
Disclaimer: I went to Berkeley, was not rejected from Stanford (did not apply) and don’t have a problem with them at all. I actually like the place.
It is Friday which is normally a free business idea but I thought I may start off a new series of Friday Rants.
Have you ever been to a conference, event or seminar? (Insert the word Yes here)
Do you know how you can tell who is from Stanford?
Post your thought and whoever is closest to my idea will get a Stanford drawing snail mailed from me.
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Noah Kagan wrote How to Spot a Stanford student on April 13th, 2007 and there are 30 comments. There will be one more after you add yours, though. Read more posts by Noah Kagan.
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30 Responses to “How to Spot a Stanford student”
April 13th, 2007
11:48 am
People from Stanford have visible boogers in their nose all the time.
Oh yeah one more thing. if someone graduates from stanford, they make sure you are aware of it.
April 13th, 2007
12:05 pm
If they’re in the MBA program at Stanford, they’ll be clean cut with their collared shirts rolled 3/4 length. And they roll in small crowds. And you might see them getting beat up by me.
j/k
April 13th, 2007
12:08 pm
@sri, my friends and I noticed the booger thing as well…we call Stanford Snotfart
April 13th, 2007
12:09 pm
They all talk like how a crowd talks when potrayed in South Park…”murmurmurmurmur…”
April 13th, 2007
12:14 pm
Stanford students try to correct the speaker, in a foolish attempt to inflate their egos.
April 13th, 2007
12:15 pm
Matt is on the right idea. Close but not there yet. Dang today is slow.
April 13th, 2007
12:18 pm
I have a few more:
1) The women dont shave their armpits.
They worship the professors.
2) They smell their own farts and enjoy it.
3) They all drive Prius’s.
4) They all pretend to be somehow saving the world.
5) There is a Butters in every group.
6) There is a Cartman in every group.
7) They are all involved in some kind of start-up.
9) They support Ralph Nader.
10) They love foreign movies and pretend to enjoy it.
April 13th, 2007
12:18 pm
@sri, actually Tray Parker taped the sound effect for South Park when he accidentally walked into a Stanford Conference on, “Why is Stanford So Great, Give Us Your Money”, whilst looking for the bathroom.
Needless to say, there was a bathroom incident, and that day will forever be known as the “Day of the Golden Shower”.
April 13th, 2007
12:21 pm
11) They pretend to like heavy metal but in reality they cry themselves to sleep every night by listening to Tommy Page’s “A Shoulder to Cry On”
Sorry Noah, its my Friday venting time as well.
April 13th, 2007
12:31 pm
Matt, interesting…didnt know about that.
April 13th, 2007
12:45 pm
Stanford women (and some men) suck! But the bigger question is…do they swallow?
April 13th, 2007
1:23 pm
-they try to act liberal but really aren’t (see stupid stanford band)
-they don’t do shit/don’t know shit, but act like they do
April 13th, 2007
1:26 pm
For one, I’ve noticed that anecdotal information is often Stanford-centric, for example, “well we usually do [...] here at Stanford”, while implying that it is the One True Way.
Also, I sense a general aura of megalomania from the population on the whole when I’m on that campus, and hell, even around Palo Alto. I think I would be used to that hailing from Orange County, though I think people come off that way in OC because they think money makes them better, while at Stanford perhaps they think that “just being enrolled at Stanford” makes them better.
April 13th, 2007
1:40 pm
They have a 60-second pitch ready describing their multiple businesses that they started at the age of 20. They are now age 21, fail to mention that those “startups” aren’t around anymore, and say they mentor and advise “young entrepreneurs”
April 13th, 2007
1:48 pm
Sri,
You scare me. I love you no matter what because you are hilarious.
Joe,
They have some pretty impressive people at Berkeley. They did not get the ghetto urban upbringing we did.
April 13th, 2007
1:48 pm
One more tell-tale sign… they proudly hand out business cards that identify themselves as a “Stanford student”
April 13th, 2007
1:56 pm
I once fucked a Stanford chick……she tasted like chicken.
April 13th, 2007
1:59 pm
I may have to do a censored version of my site just for Sri…
April 13th, 2007
2:02 pm
My bad…i think im getting out of control. I will shut the Stanford up now.
April 13th, 2007
2:21 pm
The folks look like they stepped out of a commercial for Dockers (just kidding for my Stanford friends).
Go Bears!
Note: I didn’t attend either college. I just have a soft spot in my heart because of many wild parties I attended at Cal.
April 13th, 2007
3:42 pm
Stanford students suck because I didn’t go (or apply) there to liven them up.
That’s the only reason.
April 13th, 2007
4:33 pm
None of you were close.
The way you can tell a Stanford person is at your event is that they say statements and NOT questions. I FUCKING can’t tolerate that. Yes, this is a generalization and not true for all of Stanford. No, seriously the students are like “blah blah blah” and I am thinking to myself was there a point in what you said. Cause I didn’t see your name on the agenda so sit down, ask relevant questions or keep your mouth shut.
April 13th, 2007
4:41 pm
Hahahahaha this is my workplace jk
April 13th, 2007
4:46 pm
Oh, they do that crap at Cal.
All. the. time.
=(
April 13th, 2007
4:48 pm
Hmmm…I guess anybody who asks dumb questions bothers me. If I am at your event just double check with me before you ask;) 1/2 teasing…
April 13th, 2007
5:34 pm
They can’t suck more than UCSC students!
April 14th, 2007
3:41 am
Noah,
Can’t seem to sleep, too much on the brain with the event two weeks away.
Was going to shoot you an e-mail but then thought what’s the point of that, I should just say it in your blog. IMHO this topic lowers the standard of your excellent blog. It’s not the comments, it is the whole attitude of the post, you are at such a higher level.
Maybe I am missing the point or the humor but I just wanted share my thoughts because I truly have learned so much from reading your blog and getting to know you over the last six months. Perhaps I am just sleeped deprived
April 16th, 2007
10:17 am
Noah – true true, now… one thing they say on the farm —
Q: How can you tell someone’s from Berkeley?
A: All they talk about is Stanford.
April 16th, 2007
10:48 am
Robert,
Good point. I changed the title to reflect that. At the same time I am trying to write interesting things which may not always sit well with everyone.
Xavier,
Thanks for the morning smile.
May 15th, 2007
7:14 pm
goddamn…. i just chose stanford over cal after a LONG time debating and i didnt think i was happy with my decision…. soi was perusing online in hopes of discovering that stanford students werent that bad, but apparently all my fears of dockers-wearing/fart-smelling douchebags handing me their business cards reading
“_______, B.A., STANFORD UNIVERSITY (hire me?)”
are going to be there.
*sigh*
maybe i can transfer to cal….
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