Changing the Perception of Dating

March 13, 2007 - Get free updates of new posts here

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I never thought dating make sense. Dating is probably one of the most bizarre human behaviors. I understand that people are pretty much social animals and we crave for companionships. Just being around other people doesn’t seem to be enough, we seem to need to fall in love, be in love and share love.

With internet dating sites popping everywhere and many books being written about dating and relationships are we in danger of playing the “rules” when it comes to dating and forgotten all about “communication” and “commitment”?

happy couple

How do people like you and I-social animals that tend to seek out one another’s company and the crave to connect to with other people get into this whole “speed dating” and “online screening dating?”

This is like a frustrating tango dance where both parties are not coordinating and communicating their steps. Are we living in an information technology age where we have instant messages, instant coffee, instant rice, drive-thru fast food, and tivo, that we need to have instant love and gratification as well? How long ago that we came up with the idea that we don’t have time to spend on love? It is not unusual that we do not take the time to get to know one another anymore.

Dating is money making business these days. Browse any bookstores and you can see the various books written that talks about relationships. I am not a big fan of these books actually. Most of them are all about mind games and why “playing hard to get” is essential in capturing “the target”. If you want to speak to someone, go ahead and pick up the phone and call them instead of waiting by the phone just to say “I’ m busy” when they call. If someone gets intimidated by a few calls then screw it!

I do not believe in “soul mates” rather relationships are all about timing. If you meet someone and you have an emotional connection with them, and they are at the same wavelength with you emotionally and mentally, then, these people move on into a “relationship”. If someone goes out on a date and compares the date to his or her ex, than we are not giving the other person a chance to get to know you and you getting to know the other person. Trust me, the right one won’t be scared away by your actions.

Heck, I am not a relationship guru, I have my fair share or heartbreaks (just like Noah and all of you) , that is why I want people to de-emphasize the word dating and start emphasizing on building relationships and building friendships.

If we communicate what our intentions are and we build relationships based on trust and friendship, then perhaps we can stumble into “a relationship.”

Most men and women are bitter and jaded about serious relationships and claimed that they had been screwed over is the precise point on why we should really be friends with the person before we date them.

tara hunt chris messina thomas hawk kissing

I don’t put myself out there to meet people. I know everyone keeps telling you and me, but you aren’t going to meet anyone by just staying home! Honey, we meet people everywhere. We don’t need to go speed dating, or to a bar. I meet people at the coffee shops, grocery stores, on the Muni, at my work, at my gym, and tons and tons of places.

These “weak” relationships are actually building blocks on what later might be a “strong” relationship.

I don’t know how to change the system to replace this instant dating crap we are all used to seeing in reality shows but I approach dating as “so tell me something about you” instead of “what can you do for me” or “can I fuck you tonight.”

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9 responses to “Changing the Perception of Dating

  1. Boris Reply

    We may all hate speed dating and “rules” and want true genuine experiences, but when we go out there and interact, more often than not there is some stress, which can trigger defense mechanisms. These defense mechanisms can make one seem standoffish and uninterested when in fact they want nothing more than a cheery simple interaction.

    I think that when dating one should not focus on these “rules” but one should not ignore them either, they can be a playful way to dance until your ego lets down your guard.

  2. Angie Reply

    I agree that people do play games.. sometimes way too many.. I do not think any of the self help books on love work. Just continue being yourself … you have to sift through the garbage to find the prize.

    As for online dating. I have donr this myself and I have made a lot of friends as well as have dated people I met online including my current boyfriend. I think that use the internet and places like “MySpace” to get to know people. Take it slow and talk to them for a bit before you go out with them. I do have to admit that there are men in the world and especially online that believe that the internet is a way to “hook up” with someone. I personally used to hate that. Just because I am online it does not make me easy and NO ONE should be disrespected in that way.

    Not everyone is going to be “Prince Charming” but I do believe in Soul mates and that there is one person out there for everyone.

    It does take time to find that one though if we are lucky.

    I do think that once you are in a relationship that you can not expect it to just be “peaches and cream” all the time. Relationships take work Hard work. You both have to work at keeping that spark there and being combatible. Bottom line if both parties are not interested in putting inthe effort then the relationship is bound to fail.

  3. Mike W Reply

    Dating was a precursor to engagement that developed sometime in the early 20th century. “Hanging Out” is a precursor to dating that developed in the early 21st century.

    True….it’s viscous swamp of emotional peril, one in which many wade into and find themselves hopelessly mired. And for the vast majority of us, it’s one where our strikeouts greatly outnumber the times we get on base.

    Still, it’s a necessary evil of the 21st century if you, like most, aspire to form lifelong bonds with a partner and raise a family.

    There are few things in life that we relish that are free of cost. There are fewer things in life that are desired that we don’t have to compete for. And there are *very* few things that are truly fun….that aren’t just a little bit dangerous.

    I was sitting at in a bar awhile ago, and a freind of mine (who at the time was a raging alchoholic), came up to me. He was half-blitzed and dying to tell me about some life altering quote that he’d just heard. It was the following:

    “Dance like nobody’s watching;
    love like you’ve never been hurt.
    Sing like nobody’s listening;
    live like it’s heaven on earth.”

    I didn’t know whether to feel sorry for him or laugh out loud….

  4. thunderstruck Reply

    Really that’s the first good thing I read on the internet about relationships and dating.

    You are right, many people intends to turn dating in mind games. The most distressing fact is all of this sort of mind games are designated basically to make you appear like a typical perfect man, and we are not (fortunately) perfect men. I find most of this strategies very pathetic. Furthermore, if you think a little majority of this games are not necessary.

    Moreover, most of this mind games suppose all the women are constantly analyzing all you say and they are able to ascertain how really you are and the kind of person you are with a few words of your own … don’t make me laugh. I don’t consider me as a mysterious or complicated person, but really is necessary more than one day, or one week, or one month to have a little idea about how i am. If you find a woman who thinks she can know the kind of person you are by chatting a little with you, you can be sure about she isn’t worth, it’s so simple.

    Values like bravery, confidence, honour or honesty can’t be noticed in a 2 hour conversation in the disco, pub or restaurant. Don’t be naive.

    If you are looking for some sex, you only have to get ready, go out, pay attention to the girls who look to you (forget any idea about “playboys”, they are just fame), smile at her and be nice, be yourself, feel good. Nowadays, a lot of girls are going out for some fun. Only think, we all like sex, men and women, and it’s stupid to deny it.

    However, if you are looking for love, you only need to be patient. Love is really much more than mind games, and love requires time and efforts, hard work.

    PS: Excuse my poor english, i’m spanish.