Trust part 2

December 8, 2006 - Get free updates of new posts here

I talked yesterday about how the way people look affects trust and now what about the other things. I was talking with my friend JT during a delicious lunch of Togos yesterday and we came up with 4 principles of trust:

trust

  1. Repitition: If I say I am going to do something, do it and always do it. That builds trust with a person.
  2. Transferred: If a person with a strong reputation trusts you that means you should be a trustworthy person if that person vouched for you.
  3. Image: What we talked about yesterday.
  4. Transparency: The more you show about yourself provides a window that you have nothing to hide and should be a more trustworthy person.

What makes someone credible?

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13 responses to “Trust part 2

  1. Shivani Reply

    Instead of saying repetition, I would call it consistency, and another big one for me is dependability: if I need a person around and they are always there, i trust them more

  2. Luke Reply

    Commitment – the nature/amount and frequency of selfless giving (or other ways to show you care about someone, no strings attached) proves that you have the other person’s best interests in mind, that you want them to succeed, etc. and so therefore gain their trust, because any time the other person has an an opportunity to offer you their trust, they must ultimately ask the simple question “Will this guy do what’s best for me, now that I’ve made myself vulnerable by providing him this information/piece of equipment/advice/favor/etc.?” The more times you have taken proactive measures to confirm the answer to this question in the positive, the more trust you will be given and the sooner it will be given to you.

  3. Chet Gulland Reply

    i would agree with consistency over repetition – but i actually prefer coherence over consistency. if i can see a sort of logical connection between the actions of someone and their beliefs, and all of that, it is not just consistent, it creates a story of them in my mind that i can trust.

    pretty sure coherence is one of the most important things around.

  4. Berry Reply

    Very good list! It helped me identify some things.

    I very much struggle with transparency… in real life I am not a very professional person- I cut up and am overly friendly- but for some reason online I feel like I need to put forth this air of “BIG PROFESSIONAL BUSINESS SO YOU CAN TRUST US.”

    I think that it’s better the personal, transparent way– it works well in the offline world so I need to figure out how to transfer that online!

  5. Trustworthy? Reply

    I have been an avid reader of this blog, and seeing how this blog (and Noah) has had many interesting topics (i.e. Prolution, Trust, Life etc), this one blog entry that made me really think about my life, my choices, and where it has gotten me to where I am today.

    I have realized I am not a trustworthy person. I need to be honest with myself and those around me to become a better person and to live a genuinely happy life. Take this as my confessional…

    – I have cheated on my wife of 3 years.
    – I make her believe I want to be with her, then when I get what I want or where I need to be (not lonely), I fuck up, and the cheating begins all over again.
    – We have been separated while married, and I tell her I am in this marriage just to be with her, but fantasize everyday of meeting new women. There have been times I have actually met up with some women. I still contact some of my mistress’s daily, monthly, or at my lonely leisure.
    – This cheating has made me lose focus on my passions in my occupation. It has made me look at my job as the perfect outlet to cheat again, as every opportunity presents itself with beautiful women everyday.
    – The act has made me lose touch with my family, my friends, and peers around me. I look at them as easy targets to get what I want and get out of there without being noticed.
    – Is everything with me temporary? Or am I just in a phase of my life ruled by all the dis-trusting things I have ever done coming back to haunt me?

    I know this is long, but I wanted to tell my story, because I know that there are others out there with similar situations like mine. I have harnessed my situation by its breath and set action to resolve this degrading situation via Prolution (another GREAT concept that Noah has inspired me to utilize).

    My Prolution is to become a trustworthy person to those I really need to be there for, my wife, my family, and my dear friends. I have confidence in myself that now I am partly free and have recognized that I do have a problem; I am hoping to be a new person in 2007!

    Wish me luck on this self-fulfilling adventure…

  6. Colin McDougall Reply

    I have been burned in a few business deals because I trusted a little too much.

    For me the key factors for trusting somebody are:

    Willingness to admit past mistakes.
    If an individual is claiming to never make mistakes and not willing to share their past mistakes it serves as a “Do Not Trust” trigger for me.

    I guess that is essentially part of transparency.

    Also, people that “over-dress” trigger signs of distrust for me. Essentially it’s the slick salesman look that turns me off somebody.

  7. Noah Kagan Reply

    Trustworthy,

    Thank you so much for sharing that piece. Damn. That was intense for me to read. I can relate to how you feel with your woman from a past relationship and I know it is tough. I guess for me instead of saying I can be trustworthy by date X I would consider doing two things:

    1 – Do a small thing to gain trust in yourself. It doesn’t seem that your wife knows about your stuff. Take babysteps to getting back on the trustworthy level.

    2- Break up with your wife. You may not be ready to be with her right now.

    3- Tell your wife and deal with the consequences.

    I always wondered why through society pressure did we have to be with just 1 person. I never got a great answer but since that is what is accepted we have to make the best of it. Good luck with your outcome and be happy.

  8. Trustworthy? Reply

    Noah,

    It was both startling and refreshing at the same time to see that you have/are going through the same thing. Your replies to my questions were extremely helpful to me (and hopefully to your readers). I have a few others.

    – How did you tell your girlfriend that you cheated on her? I agree with you that I need to tell my wife and face the consequences.

    – I still communicate to some of the women I have cheated with. Should I end all communications with them too? Do you still communicate with your mistresses (I know you’re a young guy, mistresses seem so old)?

    – What brought you to the point of honesty? Could you not live with yourself? The breaking point for me came when everything I did to try and “repair” the relationship never really worked. The vicious cycle made me realize I was never honest with myself about what I wanted in a relationship, let alone to everything else I cared for. I took all of that for granted, while in the meantime it was all about me.

    – We did have our break-ups, but again, I didn’t want to be lonely. I would be fine in the beginning, I met other women etc, but it was never really fulfilling, almost temporary. I always thought about my wife. During these breaks, I would miss her, talk to her, and everything seemed as if things were “back-to-normal”. But they weren’t. I still hung onto that, while getting fulfilled elsewhere. Selfish maybe, but its hard to explain. I wanted to feel wanted.

    – During this period of my life, I also “lost” some really amazing people. My brother (happily married) never supported this type of behavior. He always told me, “one day when you look back on this, was it really worth it?” This mis-trust then bled into other parts of my life. I became estranged from friends and co-workers for nearly the same reasons. They really “looked up to me”. One friend, said that “I reminded him of himself when he was younger, and I had so much to look forward to”. But how could I provide an inspirational example for anyone, if I couldn’t even control my own life. I really miss these family and friends, but I think that my baby steps to make things “right” will be too little, too late. Advice?

    Thank you again for all of your support and feedback it is GREATLY appreciated. I hope that your readers are not bored with my comments.

  9. Liz Reply

    Noah, you totally should have read that book I gave you, ie The Speed of Trust! ah well. It doesn’t say much by way of romantic relationships anyway.

    Trustworthy, it’ll be tough leaving the comfort of your marriage and wife, but no one ever hated George Clooney for being the ultimate bachelor-for-life. It’s better to not hurt people. Some people just aren’t cut out for marriage, and that’s okay in my book. If the women aren’t cutting it, have you tried finding a job, a hobby, or friendships that might fill the lonliness?

    best of luck to you.

  10. Trustworthy? Reply

    Liz,

    Thank you for your kind words. I agree, maybe right now I am not cut out for marriage, but it should have never been at the expense of hurting someone else and comprimising their happiness. I was selfish.

    On my road to recovery, I have made it a point to regain trust with those family and friends that were near and dear. I think that will give me a solid foundation to build a strong self worth and eventually become trustworthy again.

  11. Trustworthy? Reply

    Noah,

    You haven’t yet repsonded to my questions of how yourself and Jenniefer got through this or how it affected Jennifer, let alone yourself in the end? I know this is a sensitive subject, but your inspirational feedback has given me hope that there really is a light at the end of the tunnel.