Friday Free Business Idea: The Douche Annihilator Tool

December 1, 2006 - Get free updates of new posts here

I am at Starbucks in Los Angeles right now and this guy is talking extremely loud on his cell phone, taking loud slurps on his drink, chewing very loudly and walking in and out of the store. This is very distracting and makes it hard for me to get any work done. I have come up with a solution.

the douche
Here is a picture of the back of the guy. Don’t let this be you=P

A tool that makes cell phones useless within a 4 foot range.

I didn’t realize it was illegal in the United States, can someone figure out a way to make them legal in the states?

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14 responses to “Friday Free Business Idea: The Douche Annihilator Tool

  1. David Xue Reply

    They have this type of tool already, though it works for whole rooms and not a 4 ft bubble radius. I don’t think that these tools are healthy to be carrying around and probably illegal in many places.

  2. Noah Mittman Reply

    BTW, I would definitely be interested in a complete “cell phone disabler” for those who play with ringtone settings for minutes on end in public, or those who play java games with repetitive sound effects at top volume.

  3. HeresTomWithTheWeather Reply

    Fight fire with fire. Move within four feet of loudmouth and at the same volume, start talking on your cellphone. I find that Michael Keaton’s “got thrown out for being too good a player” monologue from Night Shift is a good phony conversation for this purpose.

  4. Noah N. Glass Reply

    Now if only there were a similar tool to prevent the open-mouth chewing…

    You could create a jaw-jammer service to give everyone temporary lock-jaw within a 4 foot range. Kill two birds with one stone: No chat. No chew.

    I’m guessing that might also be illegal in the United States, but still…

    Noah, get an office.


  5. Alaska Miller Reply

    Well, for one, all a cell phone jammer is is a radiowave emitting device that’s on the same frequency as the item it’s jamming, in this case a cell phone.

    So the rudimentary way civilian models work is that you guesstimate the frequency the phone is operating on and output a similar pattern which in turn confuses the phone and he loses his connection. The military ones that we used were more sophisticated.

    That said, someone once told me the big reason why movie theaters and private public places can’t install this is because in the event that the person you blocked was a doctor or someone needs to call 911 you will be liable for the failed calls.

    So in essence I guess the point is: the douche might be annoying but he might also be a doctor on call or he might be the one that calls 911 when you’re choking on a piece of biscoti.

    Best thing you can do is just tell him to knock it off and be considerate of others. I do that quite often when people around me are obviously nuisances and it seems like more and more people are scared to talk to one and another.

  6. Christopher Johnston Reply

    I’d just buy one and use and worry about getting caught later. The truth is someone would have to know their call was being blocked, notice you had the device(if they even knew what it was), call the authorities, wait for them to get there, and then prove it was you. With the number of phone companies advertising “fewer dropped calls” most people would walk outside and look for a signal on their phone and make a new call.

  7. Mike Sabat Reply

    This is totally off topic, but it is sooo improtant. You’ll agree Noah.

    A great Friday business idea. A Chipotle vending machine.

    It doesn’t just plop out a frozen, pre-made burrito, it actually cooks the burrito right in front of you. Think about it, they only have 10 ingredients. WE put a man on the moon almost 40 years ago, we can clone animals, how hard can it be to automate the creation of a fresh burrito.

    Anybody have a friend that might fund this?

  8. Mehul Patel Reply

    Cell Phone Jammers are very popular in Asia I have seen Multiplexes / Theater’s in Singapore and Bombay (Mumbai) use them it allows you to enjoy the movie peacefully, I was watching ‘Stranger than fiction’ in Century Theaters @ Westfield mall in San Fran downtown a week back and the guy nextt o me received like 5 or 7 calls thru the movie and he spoke to each of the caller lavishly for like a minute or two that was kinda sad / bad!

  9. Noah Mittman Reply

    To Chris’ and Alaska’s points, it would be sneakier not to create a full-on jammer that disconnects a user, but an interference device that disrupts a conversation to the point where they move to find a stronger signal. Just in case they *are* a doctor.

  10. Mike W Reply

    I thought of something like this awhile ago, but it was for the idiot kids out in the valley that had sound systems in their cars that thumped louder than the bass drums at a Donna Summer concert. My idea was to build a *HUGE* inductor out of a massive amount of copper wire, and hook it in series with a gargantuan capacitor bank that you’d charge in paralell, but discharge in series. I’d bury the whole setup near where the little pricks would park, and when they’d pull up, I’d figure out a way to dump the capacitor bank’s output into the inductor. Presto! Massive electromagnetic field that would be absorbed by the coils in their speakers, hopefully frying their amplifiers. Would it work? I don’t know. Maybe you could put something like this in your backpack, get within two feet of the douchebag, and set it off. Charging those caps in a Starbucks could get tricky though, and the whole setup would probably weigh more than an entire semester’s books at law school. Just an idea…..