28 Responses to “How to Torment a Starbucks Employee”

• Damon Zuman
  October 5th, 2006
  7:56 pm
  
  

  Starbucks people always mess with me, when they ask for the size of my order, I say medium and they go like “Oh, Grande!”. Snobs!

• Andy
  October 5th, 2006
  8:19 pm
  
  

  So my next order is:

  Hi, may I have a small Hammer Head please?

• Chris Bennett
  October 5th, 2006
  8:33 pm
  
  

  How to Torment a Starbucks Executive:

  “Can I have a short * please?”

  While “tall” is the smallest size at Starbucks that they’ll fess up to, a “short” is actually a small, but it’s not on the menu. This is especially a good thing for cappuccinos. They keep it on the DL since they make more profit on the larger ones (Venti = 20 oz compared to a Grande 16oz? Definitely not 45 cents of a difference.).

  Another interesting aspect of sizing that someone pointed out to me: give someone three choices and they will usually pick the middle one. More people would pick small if given the choice between two: large and small. Volume-wise the middle-size “grande” is large… so it looks like Starbucks is really winning when it comes to making more profit off larger sizes.

• Sri
  October 5th, 2006
  9:41 pm
  
  

  Here is another way to annoy them….keep asking for coke or pepsi!

• Sri
  October 5th, 2006
  9:45 pm
  
  

  Here is a question….does anyone tip those guys? Sometimes when the tip jar is placed right infront of my face….i feel obliged to tip……but in all honesty….i dont think they deserve a tip.

  If that is the case, then Chipotle people who do more need to be tipped!

  I once went to India with my boss and I told my boss that we gotta tip the hotel guy who opens our car door……my boss said..”ok….here is a tip for him…get another job”

• Noah Winecoff
  October 6th, 2006
  7:21 am
  
  

  Hmm…”barista”…interesting. Will I sound intelligent if I call the girl behind the counter a barista or will I sound like a douche bag?

• Magoo
  October 6th, 2006
  9:24 am
  
  

  “…Can I just get a hug?”

• Skip Tracer
  October 6th, 2006
  10:35 am
  
  

  I’ll take two of those small whatchamacallits.

• Noah Winecoff
  October 6th, 2006
  1:13 pm
  
  

  LOL @ Magoo.

• Doug Karr
  October 7th, 2006
  8:07 pm
  
  

  After 3 years of ordering No-fat, No-whip Grande Mochas… I have yet to understand what the proper order sequence is. It seems, no matter what order I order the mocha in… the Barista repeats it back to me in a different order.

  Order?
  “No-fat, No-whip, Grande Mocha”

  Barista?
  “Grande No-fat, No-whip Mocha”

  Argh!

• prlinkbiz
  October 7th, 2006
  9:22 pm
  
  

  I always order double tall non-fat no whip cream mochas. However, I am in there so often, the Starbucks people adore me- so they just “know” my drink now. Kids- this is why I invest- so I can drink Starbucks daily. PS- as a former barista, be kind! LOL

• Noah Kagan
  October 7th, 2006
  9:35 pm
  
  

  I am all about non-fat, extra hot, no water chai tea lattes. sounds yummy.

• Golbguru
  October 8th, 2006
  12:37 pm
  
  

  lol…I am gonna try this one.

• Mike W
  October 16th, 2006
  5:27 pm
  
  

  An invading army of Starbucks franchises has long since ran roughshod over every neighborhood in San Francisco. My borough is no exception, with one setting up camp a scant three blocks from my front door. Myself and most of the other neighborhood curmudgeons have long since been exposed to the “short-tall-grande-venti” system. Tully’s across the street has adopted something similar. We’ve more or less refused to use it…but the staff seems to have arrived at an agreed-upon convention for dealing with traditional size requests that goes something like this:

  “When in doubt….punt”.

  I’ve even brought in my own odd-shaped cup….a stocky Nissan Stainless travel mug that’s somewhat conical in form. The barrista’s rarely so much as bat an eye at it, though the price of filling it varies from visit to visit.

• Christie Dean
  October 17th, 2006
  8:40 am
  
  

  Starbucks! Blah!

  Friends don’t let friends drink starbucks-
  …but if I were ever to order, I will make sure to use this. LOL!

  Cheers

  Christie

• Chica_Maria
  November 13th, 2006
  8:43 pm
  
  

  Okay, here’s a tip from a certified barista for those of you who are confused about the whole drink-calling order thing. The order generally goes: Decaf, Iced, Number of Espresso Shots, Size, Number of Pumps and Type of Syrup, Milk, Other options (like extra hot, no whip, two splendas, etc), and finally type of drink.

  Obviously, if you’re ordering a “default” drink, like a tall latte, you would just call it a “Tall Latte.” If you want it nonfat, it’s a “Tall nonfat latte.” If you want it decaf and nonfat, it’s a “decaf tall nonfat latte.” So, a “complicated” drink (and the kind that makes the baristas grind their teeth) would be something like, “decaf iced quad grande two-pump raspberry two percent no whip one raw sugar white mocha.”

  If you think this is asinine…you’re probably right, but look at it this way. Even new baristas loathe this precise method as they struggle to learn it. Sbux trainers have special “dice” with the modifiers on them that you can practice rolling and arranging in the correct order. It usually takes weeks to months for a barista to become confident in “correct drink calling.”

  And while some baristas will get all smug as they correct you, most use the “system” simply because their co-workers or bosses will polietly get on their case if they don’t. However, even seasoned baristas will occasionally (or frequently!) call a complicated drink incorrectly.

  And since you’re probably wondering if there’s even a pretense of a reason for the “system,” here’s the idea behind it: better communication between the barista at the register and the barista at the bar. Say you order a decaf tall caramel nonfat xtra whip mocha. When the barista makes the drink, they will first “pull” the espresso shots, (hence the importance of specifying decaf first), and while the shots are grinding they will select the correct cup (size second), pump the syrup into it (flavor third) and add the shots, then add the steamed milk (milk fourth), and top with plenty of whipped cream (misc. modifiers fifth).

  It’s not a perfect system, but if the way drinks are called is standardized, there’s much less chance of forgetting a modifier, or disappointing the customer. As a barista punches in a grande nonfat mocha, he will mentally run down the “list” and when he gets to the misc modifiers “box” he will remember to ask the customer (who is obviously calorie conscious) if they still want the whipped cream. Or if the person at the bar has had a drink called to them, they will repeat the modifiers in the same order, which makes it easier to tell if they missed something.

  So yeah, it’s obnoxious, but if it helps keep your drink order accurate, I think you can suffer a smug smile from an obnoxious barista. Just pretend to tip him/her and then suddenly withdraw your cash with a loud “HRUMPH!” Just remember to tip the ones who *do* do an excellent job.

  And as far as the whole short/tall/grande/venti thing goes, I worked at Starbucks and I still think it’s rather dumb. But, I tried to call the drinks correctly simply because I knew I would be chided if I didn’t. Yeah, I basically sold my soul for a paycheck.

• baristaj
  May 22nd, 2007
  12:26 pm
  
  

  IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT, DON’T GO TO STARBUCKS!

  freakin retards.

• Lima
  May 24th, 2007
  7:01 am
  
  

  But, Starbucks is almost everywhere…Where shall a poor soul go if he/she doesn’t like Starbucks?

  Calling people “freaking retards” IS retarded. Jerk!

• Alexandria Venticelo
  May 26th, 2007
  9:20 am
  
  

  I LOVE Starbucks! I hate how they always repeat your order though! I always give a tip just cause I have have enough money too. I go almost every day.

• baristaj
  May 27th, 2007
  2:32 pm
  
  

  they repeat your order so the person at the bar gets it right. it’s not to make you feel stupid.

  Question: would you rather have the starbucks people be overly friendly and full of BS or just get your drink to you fast and correct?

  i’m sick of being told i have to fake a ridiculous amount of positive energy.

• blinky
  June 20th, 2007
  11:49 am
  
  

  try to be clever

• bbaristamtown
  July 23rd, 2007
  6:26 pm
  
  

  ohhhkayy . so to all the people who dont like starbucks then dont go . and for the people talking about drink calling, we as baristas are trained to call drinks correctly hence the cubes the previous comment was talking about. and it is second nature to call them the correct way. we dont care if you dont know what order to order it in , but it is a habit to say it back the correct way. just dont say grannnnday. [grande] [gran] doesnt ryme with ann so throw the littleeeeeee accent into it and say grande :]

• barista
  July 31st, 2007
  11:38 am
  
  

  okay, okay, okay. i work at starbucks. i know, i know, all of you people probably DESPISE ME. first off, to answer some questions. the order you say your drink is along the side of the cup. if it’s decaf, there’s a decaf box, then the size box, and so on. that’s how we learned. secondly, the tips DO help. and yes, i think we should get tipped. it’s not just making a cup of coffee, it’s making all of the prep, training new workers, working drive through AND hot bar, getting all the drinks in order, making sure the drinks are made right and within 3 minutes of the customers order, and making sure the store is clean at all times. oh, and not to mention the stress level. thirdly, this “say small” nonsense. we’re trained to say all of that. do you think that’s how we talk in everyday life? no. it’s just the “lingo” and it makes work easier. so, stop being mean to your fellow starbucks employee. they didn’t make the rules, they just have to follow them… and most of them are trying to just get a paycheck and go home. the end.

• D-Lo
  September 12th, 2007
  7:00 pm
  
  

  I am a barista. I couldn’t care less what size you call a drink, I still will call it what it is because that is how we do it. It is stupid that we can’t call it small, medium, large, but I’m not gonna get my panties in a wad because I can’t use the combination or consanants and vowels I would rather use. Why do people care about such trivial issues? I guess control issues I suppose? The next time you think you are so clever and wanna try ot annoy us remember this, we deal with morons everyday and every hour and you are no exception. Don’t wanna tip, I don’t really give a shit. Just because you don’t tip doesn’t mean someone else won’t either. Don’t try to be so signifacant, it is pointless. Starbuck’s will roll on without you morons because it is a corporate juggernaut that can only defeat itself. We have no effect. I could shit in a box, slap a Starbuck’s logo on it with a $5 price tag and sell out of it before my next bowel movement. People want their status symbol and we provide that for them. So, do whatever you want to do to annoy us, most of us are immune to the stupid bullshit. Quit trying to be somebody, nobody cares.

• IN Partner
  September 28th, 2007
  6:43 am
  
  

  I am a Starbucks employee.

  In response to the “Friends don’t let friends drink Starbucks” mentality: your local coffee shop still exists…you know the one, the one you like that isn’t a Starbucks. I go to mine. It is thriving. Support yours.

  And to those that hate Starbucks so much, why do you go there? Quite hypocritical if I do say so. I hate Wal-Mart, which has taken over my town moreso than any Starbucks has, so I make the personal decision to NOT go there, under any circumstance.

  Oh, and ordering a drink? Don’t worry about saying it in the right order. That’s our job. And thank you to the partner above that explained why we do this: consistency in training and to reduce or eliminate missed or incorrect drink orders at the bar. Your barista doesn’t want to take the time to remake your drink anymore than you want to wait for it.

  Tipping? Whatever. Our tips don’t pay our bills, but your generosity is greatly appreciated. If you enjoy your experience at your store, reward them for their hard work. If you don’t, we would appreciate it if you’d let us know.

  And to those complaining about their job with the company: leave it, if you are so unhappy. I don’t want to work with a miserable employee any more than you want to be miserable at your job. Starbucks works for some, like me, and for others, it doesn’t. No job should ever weigh more heavily on your mind than the important things - like love for your family, helping your friends, and enjoying your life. These are the things that matter. Take value in them. If you are like me and love your job, take pride in it. If not…it’s your sacrifice.

  Take care.

• Your Uncle
  June 17th, 2008
  10:26 am
  
  

  Here’s a good question. “Why are we all sitting in front of our computers with our heads tilted down or forward utilizing our college level education to mindlessly bitch about a franchise we know well enough to say in that obnoxious nasal tone “When I go to starbucks…? When another child the same age as your baby niece, nephew, son or daughter has pushed their last breath in front of a torn human being tilting their head down and forward?

• Katie
  September 8th, 2008
  11:55 am
  
  

  I work at starbucks- and we really dont care if someone orders the size as a “small” or “medium.” We know what they mean- no reason to be snots about it.

• Evan
  October 12th, 2008
  4:54 pm
  
  

  your all fucking idiots if you dont like starbucks dont go faggot ass idiots go vote for mccain asssuckers

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